Why Being So Honest? Because I Don't See Why Not

One night, Adit asked me a question, "Are you comfortable by being that honest on your blog?" to which I asked him to elaborate the question. He, then, added, "Well, you write experience-based stories, right? So people must be knowing about our life, are you comfortable with it?"

I took a minute to think about it. For me, the question is not whether I'm comfortable or not, but whether I'm okay if people know. And the answer is yes, it is okay for me. Adit wasn't the first one who asked question like this. Some people have asked the same thing, and you're probably one of them. Or maybe you're just wondering without daring to spit the question to my face. 

The first thing I said to Adit that night was, "Do you mind?"

And he said, "No! I don't mind at all. It's just a random question, nothing more."

How would you define being honest anyway? Is it the same as telling people all things without considerations about you including your secrets that you should cover?

For me, they're totally different. 

There are things which are best to keep privately. There are things which are okay to share publicly. There are things which are fine to share only with your closest friends.

I tell experience-based stories, only if Adit says go ahead. Adit knows what I'm about to publish because he read them first. 

I write my experience only for those that I think not classified as family secrets.

I KNOW the boundaries.

Why people ask me if I'm okay with being so honest is I guess just a matter of personal decision about what should be secret and what's considered shameful. 

💁 Me and Adit arguing so many times during this marriage? 

🙆 We don't think we should be ashamed about arguing because it's what really happens in most marriages.

Baca: Pernikahan Tidak Semudah Bilang "I Do"

💁 The cause of me and Adit having a fight?

🙅 That's what I think as something to consider before writing it down, depending on what's the cause.

Baca: Diari Papi Ubii #18 - Hello Feelings, My Old Friend

💁 I had the experience of not-considered-good adolescence? 

🙆 I don't think that's a secret. It's a phase of my life that has given me so many lessons and I think parents need to know a once-rebel-girl's perspective because someday we all are gonna raise a teenager.

Baca: Catatan untuk Para Orangtua, Dulu Saya Pernah Jadi Karin Novilda

💁 Things that I did when I was once a rebel?

🙅 That's what I want to keep only to myself and my closest friends. That's something that people don't need to know in details.

💁 The reason I got married? 

🙆 I've never covered it either. I just didn't write it explicitly. In this point I let people draw a conclusion eventually. 

Long before I re-started to blog, I also never created such a dreamy story that I got married because I fell in love with a man named Adit. Never. So, if I told the truth about it since back then, why should I not tell the truth now?

Baca: The Untold Story About Me and My Husband

My dad once told me that what I had (getting married because of, well you know) is, undeniably, not right considered to religious and moral value. There's no justification on that matter. However, my dad also told me that ... having that experience SHOULD NOT make me feel burdened for the rest of my life. I have to embrace that truth and move on. I just have to.

Baca: Cinta Seorang Ayah

Further, my dad told me that it's okay to make mistakes but I had to be brave enough to face the risks and challenges that followed. There must be judgments on that matter, yes. But I was told to ignore all what people might say about me as long as I, then, did the right thing to be good again.

Keeping my daughter was something that I've been proud of. I could just go the easier way so that I could pursue my career and chase my dreams. Because you know, getting married with someone you never dated before is not easy, especially when you two didn't really believe the idea of marriage.

Why am I being honest, then?

Because I don't think that what I've written is something that I and Adit need to hide. It's actually as simple as that. 

Why do I want to be honest?

Because I can't live hearing all those voices in my head alone. I'm a thinker. I have so many thoughts, opinions, perspectives, feelings, and what-not inside me. Writing them down is a way to relieve myself. 

By writing them down on this blog, I can feel, "Okay, that's enough. That's what I wanna say" and then move on to other chores, works, or duties without having the urge to keep thinking about those things.

I feel that writing my thoughts, feelings, and opinions is my chatarsis. Release from endless duties of being a mom of two, who's one of them is having her special needs.

From what happened in my past, I suffered enough from guilt, rage, and regret. Now, by facing them and telling the truth, I've been able to set myself free.

Baca: Jujur Pada Diri Sendiri dan Lebih Damai, Resolusi 2017

Sometimes I wonder about if Ubii and Aiden grow up someday and they begin to ask questions. There's nothing I and Adit want to hide from them. They deserve to know the truth. From me. Not from other people or words in the street. So this is how I train myself to be honest to my kids someday. 

And this is how I'm gonna teach my kids that truth indeed feels bitter sometimes. But by facing it, we'll live more freely.

What readers might say about me?

Well, that's your call, really. I don't intend to make you adore me and look up to me. You probably are judging but that's something I've anticipated. I mean, our society does judge that kind of woman who gets married because of you know.. right?

It's okay to judge. But, thank you, if you still want to stick with me and my blog. 

Here, on my blog, you won't find a mom who's doing every single thing based on what parenting theories decide you should do or a mom with such a good reputation people call by 'good example.'

Here, you'll find stories of an ordinary mom. A mom who has made many mistakes and who thinks that making mistakes is okay, as long as you've learned from them. A mom who wants to make the most of her days by living her life happily.

I don't preach, I've only been sharing my experience. And I'll let you conclude. If there's something good you can take, then yeay. If there isn't, then it's okay. Let's just say that we agree to disagree.

I would still and always blog about my kids and little family because I simply effing love them. It came to me as a nice surprise that after being a mom, I started to understand and see many things that I never imagined before or I didn't know existed. 

If I haven't written any blogposts about kids recently, it's only because what's been occupying my mind these days is about marriage, life, and personal goal. Or because I've written about my kids on Instagram. Or maybe both.

Baca: Before Turning Thirty

If there are things I hope can give you some insights, then they would be:

For girls, marriage is not as a piece of cake as you might think. Bumping into marriage the way I did is not easy. So take care of yourselves.

For young moms who bump into marriage with the same reason I had, you can do it! Stop feeling burdened. Use your time to learn how to take care of a baby and a husband.

Baca: Surat Ibu Pada Anaknya

For parents whose daughter is just like me, I know it's hard to accept. It might be even harder to forgive. But your daughter needs you way more then she ever did. She needs her parents to say, "It's okay. Let's figure it out" and to encourage her to make the right decision. 

All in all, why am I being so honest? 

I'm actually just like everyone. We all have good and not so good experience. That being said, the difference lies only in maybe most people don't want to talk about it while I do.

It's a matter of personal decision. 

Talking about it is okay when you know the consequences and are ready to face the judgments.

If you think that telling the truth can put yourselves in shame or disgrace, and you're simply unable to live with that, then don't.

Not talking about the truth doesn't necessarily mean that you're not honest, or even fake. No! You don't need to feel that way. 

Not talking about it merely means that you feel it's best to keep it by yourself and it's ok. 

As for today and the next next days ahead, I just want to be a grateful and kind person who's not afraid to dream, to fail, and to get back up again, to myself, my kids, and hopefully everyone. I want to forgive myself.

Baca: Dear Ibu-Ibu Yang Kadang Lupa Bahagia

Oh! And one more thing. It also struck me hard that marriage is not as shitty as I thought before. Yes, it is tough and challenging. Yes, it needs two to tango. But, I don't know how to say it, it's — life-changing? The feeling when you have a fight but then you make up and you get to know each other more, piece by piece — it's indescribable, in a good way.

I realized that when I had this conversation with my friend, let's just call her M.

M: From all of my married friends, it seems that you're the only one who's happy

G: Really? Why?

M: I asked some of my friends including you this question, "Are you happy after getting married?" And they all needed some time just to answer that. You directly said yes you're happy. Then, do you remember I asked you, "If  you could turn back time and change things, would you still choose to live with Adit?" You said yes, right? Many of my friends said they don't know. So I assume you've found happiness in your marriage.

Well I guess, I have. 

And I hope you do too.

Anyway, I'm pushing myself to start writing in English again occasionally. I spent hours just to finish this post and this is not even good. It's like I forget all the vocabularies. Hahaha. But, I'm glad I can finish one post full in English! Yeay!

Love it!

She is a beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her crack while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again — J. M. Storm

Love you!